transient

“Dear Mrs. Anderson, thank you so much for taking the time to send Leonardo and such heartfelt letters to Aubree and I! It’s such an iconic “Mrs. Anderson” trait I have always remembered about you. I want to apologize for the delayed reply! It can be head-spinning how fast time passes raising Aubree as a single parent and working twelve hour shifts as an emergency room nurse…but it’s so rewarding. I have to admit, it took me more than a few days to bring myself to read your beautiful letters because I knew it would re-open memories of my mother. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t appreciate her foundation she built for me or miss the way she fiercely loved Eric and I. Some wounds don’t ever fully ‘heal’ but I have slowly realized how to feel God’s love and presence around me…and that comforts my soul. A few years ago when Aubree was even younger, I ended up getting ‘super sick’ with pneumonia and spent several days in an ICU. One of the doctors eventually told me I was ‘lucky to be alive’ but I just laugh at that and say that’s a little dramatic! Well, when I was so fatigued and laying in the ICU bed alone when I didn’t have Eric visiting me, I never felt alone. It’s very difficult to explain the ‘sensation’ or ‘feeling’ but I could feel a ‘presence’ in my room. I could ‘feel’ God’s warmth in the air around me. In that moment, I felt so safe in an empty hospital room and just felt  this reassurance that everything was going to be fine. A few days later, I got discharged from the hospital  and was still physically exhausted but excited to drive home. I was listening to music on shuffle (“random”) and not listening to any specific artist or genre – I was more excited to breathe ‘fresh’ air and not that ‘hospital’ smell, haha. Then, out of the blue, three consecutive songs by my all-time favorite Christian artist (David Crowder) played and I started crying tears of joy. It was in that moment that God felt so close all around me and I realized that’s how He ‘speaks’ to me. There are many very subtle signs that I see that remind me God is always all around us but I’ve found He ‘speaks’ to me through certain Christian songs I discover on a daily basis and, in those moments, I feel God’s presence wrap around me. Recently, as I look back at my past, not only do I see how God blessed me with such a loving mother, who is my example on how to love my daughter, but He blessed me with the most amazing daughter and gave me a passion for wanting to help people when they are sick. Like everyone, I’ve been through my share of trauma and sadness, but now when I feel God’s love/light and try to reflect it on my daughter and the people around me, I already have everything I could ask for in life. I also have no question that God puts certain people in our lives intentionally. Not only did my mom love you and appreciate your friendship but I also feel so grateful having you in my life. You are also the very first person to hear this “story.” It has surprisingly been very therapeutic – like a weight off my chest. Like I said, there are many subtle signs God is all around us, such as reconnecting with my Pre-K/Kindergarten teacher decades later, to share meaningful things!